Dear Charlie
I have calculated that if David Cameron said he would put 100% VAT on every single item - including food, houses and cars – the Tory Party could promise to abolish income tax altogether.
This would be the equivalent of giving every Conservative voter a pay rise of 40% or more. Even labour voters and other menials would immediately have 25% extra in their pay packets, so they would obviously start voting Tory too.
That means that the Conservative Party would get back in power and stay there for ever. This would enable me to become Prime Minister and put all my other good ideas into practice.
Percy Prick
Prospective Conservative Candidate
Barking Mad
***
Dear Charlie
They say that barmaids are continually being shagged by all the regulars in their pub.
I'm a barmaid and I can assure you that these stories are not true. One old wanker has
been coming into our pub for nearly a fortnight and he hasn't shagged me at all yet.
Miss Nancy Lykes
The Old Cock Inn
Tillit
Herts
Charlie's Readers' Letters
About Me
- Charlie
- So why do I call myself the Poet on a Hill? Well I used to visualise myself walking the lanes of England with a rucksack on my back; sitting on hills; looking over the fields; swigging cans of beer; or taking a slug of whisky from a flask; scribbling poems on to a note-pad. But life's not like that. I had to eat. That takes money. So I had to work. However, in the end, my dream has come true. Because, you see, my work station is in this nice airy room in the attic. And my house is the highest on the estate. So I sit here looking out over rooftops and trees; over the Ely Valley and Vale of Glamorgan to where the little town of Llantrisant straddles a hill; with a backdrop of the hills of the Welsh Valleys; Cynon Taff and the mouth of Rhondda Cwm. And that's a lesson I’ve learnt in life; visions and dreams often come true - but not necessarily in a way that you recognise. But, take stock, and maybe your wishes have materialised - without you realising it.
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